Mustache Farewell Tour: Part 2

February 18, 2014 Leave a comment

Okay so the Farewell Tour has begun and it is getting mixed reviews. It is broken into two distinct groups with conflicting views on what life would be like without the mustache. The first group consists of everyone who knew me before I had the awesome and sexy mustache. Older friends, skateboarders, and family. They just say “You have had it awhile you should shave it off. The change will do you good.”

The other group is formed with newer friends, co-workers, and more recent skateboard companions. So this group is filled with people who have no clue what I look like without the amazing mustache that they have grown to love and trust. Their response is “Don’t do it we will be sad or cry. Or you won’t be you anymore!!”

The Mustache Farewell Tour continues with Part 2.

MFT

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Wedding Day Mustache!

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Red Sea Tattoo Mustache Photo.

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Big Hair Mustache Photo!

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Baby Mustache Photo.

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Mustache Farewell Tour: Part 1

February 17, 2014 Leave a comment

I think the time has come. I think I have come to a point where maybe a little change is good. Or maybe I am afraid of his control over me and my life. But either way it looks like his days are numbered. But since he has been a trusted companion for such a long time. He has seen the birth of the twins and my son. He stood with me at my wedding and kissed my wife before me. He has seen my victories and failures. So I owe him a Mustache Farewell Tour! This is Part 1.

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Make sure to check me out on the instagram for more Mustache Farewell Tour Moments.

Warning your Mustache can take over your life!

February 7, 2014 Leave a comment

I am writing this while he sleeps. I fear that if he knew my true intentions behind writing this blog he would put an end to me.

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My mustache has become bigger than me. He has become who I am. I struggle to remember the times before he was here. Before he took up residence under my nose and just above my mouth. Was he always there hiding just below the skin or barely peaking out as stubble? Is he part of me or an alien life form sent to study me or us?

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I realized that things had gone too far when I couldn’t shave him off. I was ready………I felt confident that I could go on without my upper lip buddy. And then I froze, I stopped dead in my tracks and asked myself “Who would I be without him?”

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Now that is a silly question! I am me, Matt. I am not just a sack of meat built to carry a majestic mustache about town. I am a human being with feelings and the ability to choose my own destiny.

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But I know that all the attention and praise laid on me by strangers and friends comes from him. Can I live without it? I am “cool” without him? Am I ready to go from the cool looking guy with an awesome mustache to just a guy. Will my kids still love me? Is my wife prepared for a life without the fame? Can we just go back to being Matt and Samantha?

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All these questions and I have so few minutes alone without him watching me. Without him influencing my decisions.

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Please my mustached brothers and sisters out there in the Internet world and beyond. Be afraid very afraid. Do not trust your mustache or moustache! They are running us. They are on t-shirts, backpacks, babies, instgram, cats, and dogs. The time of humanity might be coming to an end and we will be in slaved.

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Be safe!

A man with almost no talent or someone who is at best mediocre. (Side Note: This post was written on May 15, 2013)

February 6, 2014 Leave a comment

I was sitting at home tonight listening to the rain. It rained tonight which cancelled my quick trip away from home to one of my local skateboard parks to get some exercise or practice. Skateboarding is not really as much a hobby anymore as it is a therapy to keep me sane. Cause siting in the house after Conrad is asleep and the Twins have finally stopped fighting the night time sleep and dream fairies. Then the wife slows down and the generic reality tv shows begin mixed with the occasional glance over to Sportscenter or Netflix. I do some push ups cause I feel wimpy plus I watched Jack Reacher and he was buff. I don’t want to be a soft couch potato. But even with these distraction my mind wanders and dreams of something. My idle hands need something to do! It drives me nuts and I know my wife notices how I slowly go crazy. I clean, I pace around the living room, I get up, I sit down, I wander, I organize a drawer in the kitchen. It is weird but I guess I have some itch to scratch. Just to do something. But I am a one trick pony (and that trick ain’t a good one) I just skateboard. And to be honest I do not skate well. I never have. I can’t even honestly say that I was better back in the day. Really I am way better now than when I was at 19, 21, 23, 27 or 29. Sure I jumped down more stairs and wasn’t as afraid of the old ACL. I am as good or better than I ever was and well that really just isn’t very exciting. The strange thing is I am probably just more into skating as a whole. Everything from the actual act of skating to the fashion side to the function side. I love the new gimmicks and the new shoes, clothes, skate tools, trucks, bearings, bushings, sunglasses, headbands, headphones, and hardware. I have always just been a skateboarder.

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And that is what frightens me the most. While so many of my other friends have amazing talents that go along with their ability to skateboard I do not. I really don’t. Some of my friends are amazing artists, mechanics, musicians, film makers, writers, professionals, and well just amazing skateboarders. I don’t have that outlet or that other thing that I enjoy. I don’t build amazing birdhouses, or paint amazing works of art, or film amazing skaters, edit short films, or weld in new floor panels in a 66′.

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I am all thumbs when it comes to tools. I am one scary dude with a saw and some nails. Safety Goggles Everyone. I can’t change my own oil. I can’t draw a rose or a swallow. I really can’t do much. Now I have tried my little heart out. You should see my closets full of failed hobbies. Failed skateboard companies, failed paintings, failed screen prints, failed old car dreams, and the general failure of other failed things that failed.

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Sure could this be a mid life crisis blog?? Maybe. Could this be me bitching or whining about life in general as usual?? Sure I can see that. Is this just me venting, trying hard to smash my hands into this keyboard to make myself feel like I did something tonight? That might be right.

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I chatted some with an old friend tonight. Pitching a dream I have to him. Pitching my dream to him in an attempt to live my dream through his talents. Because I can’t do it alone. I do not have the skill set, equipment, talent, time, or patience to do it so I have to talk someone else into doing 90% of the work for me. It is sort of sad. It is really sad and is probably the reason I have chased away 90% of my friends. They probably get sick of me pushing my dreams, inventions, business plans, onto them. It isn’t their dream it’s mine and who the heck wants to live out someone else’s dreams???

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I just sort of had this “oh shit” moment. This flash of light that told me if I want to ever be happy with myself and my future I should live my own dreams. But can you teach an old dog new tricks?? I will be 35 in 6 days. Can I really find that hidden talent that I have had locked inside of me all these years? Does everyone have some kind of hidden talent?? And you can’t say that growing a mustache is a hidden talent cause if you really look at it my mustache is not that great. For someone who has not shaved in at least 2 years this thing is pretty small and mildly unkept.

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So to all my friends that I have forced to help me with random business ideas, art projects, get rich quick schemes, oil changes, skateboard related film projects, blogs, contests, and hair styles, I apologize for abusing your talents and mooching off of you. I mean my wife has to proofread all my blogs fix about a billion misspellings and grammar mistakes. Without her this thing would be way worse. So if you enjoy my blog at all you should read hers and or Mack’s cause I really just stole the idea from him.

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A friend of mine doing good things for a good cause.

May 13, 2013 1 comment

Come out to Saints and Sinners Tattoo Shop in Oak Cliff on Tuesday 5/14/13 and give a little and get a little tattoo from Ejay. Don’t be afraid to just roll out and throw some cash at this guy or trade him cash for a funny story or a sweet butterfly tat or your new best girlfriends name tat or a tattoo of a thumb.

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The Movie Night that saved Netflix or John Dies at the End!

May 13, 2013 1 comment

I enjoy the idea of Netflix. It is an amazing service that brings joy to many a home across the world. But from time to time the streaming selection on Netflix drives me insane. Sometimes it seems to get worse like good movies disappear and are replaced by horrible movies while I sleep. Now I know part of it is my fault cause I watch at least one movie a night and that quickly uses up all the good ones. But the last few weeks had been torture. Zero exciting films and a ton of TV stuff. TV is my pet peeve. I don’t enjoy TV shows that much I like my beginning and end all in one nice neat film format. I don’t want to be left hanging at the end of every 30-45 minute teaser!! So from time to time I find an amazing gem of a film hiding in the dead zone of streaming films on Netflix. On Saturday night I found one that not only stoked me out on Netflix but hell it stoked me out on life in general. It made me believe in creative, fun, low budget, but high energy film making. This movie was so dope the only thing I can say is…………………………

JOHN DIES AT THE END!

John Dies at the End is some seriously good film making and story telling. Now there are no spoiler alerts or epic in-depth film critiquing here at themostmediocre. If you have never seen one of my Movie Night Movie Reviews it basically just tells you that you need to watch it or you’re a douche. Now I have seen my fair share of weird or low budget horror/dark comedy/sci-fi films and this thing just about takes the cake. I mean I do not watch many films more than once cause all the excitement and mystery have been sucked away. But even in an age of Redbox and Netflix and internet fancy sites I would buy this spectacular movie.

So in a nut shell this thing is visually rad, you don’t even feel the low budget budget, it is filled with actors you will recognize, it has to have a sequel (PLEASE), and it is worth paying your subscription to Netflix or swinging by your local Redbox.

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And on a side note we also watched this film…………..SHAKMA

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All I have to say is this movie has the dude from Blue Lagoon, the first chick who gets killed in Nightmare on Elm Street, the dude from Planet of The Apes, and a pissed off baboon! Watch it after you watch John Dies at the End!

Where have I been??? What happened??

I have not looked at my blog in a long time. And when I say I have not looked at it I am dead serious. I really had no idea when or what was the last thing that I wrote on here. It was the blog I wrote when my amazingly talented Kansas buddy ( Matt Headley ) and his equally cool and talented wife and tough new little dude came down to visit for the twins 1st birthday. Now the twins are only a few months away from the big 2nd birthday and they also have a little brother who is half a year old. Matt and family are back in Kansas and I got a new tattoo.

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What happened?? Where have I been or what have I been doing?? Really it is a long story. I will give you guys and gals the short and sweet version of events that lead me to be gone so long. And I know I have taken some time off in the past. I know I have freaked out, deleted most of my blogs, freaked out again, felt betrayed, partied, trained, and forgotten about themostmediocre. I really enjoy sharing the boring/excitement of my life. It makes me giggle. I just got caught up in life. I mean real serious life. The kind of life that your parents warn you about. The kind of life that as a kid/teenager you try to ignore. The kind of life that as a young adult you completely block out with the late nights, drinking, drugs, or skateboards. The kind of life that hit me was the kind of life that I hope most people don’t have to bump into in a dark alley.

We found out just fifteen months after having the twins what kind of miracle they really were. The wife and myself struggled through a rough, scary, weird, and did I mention scary pregnancy. Lots of doctors visits, lots of waiting rooms, lots of ultrasounds, lots of opinions, lots of suggestions, and lots of questions. A house already full of kids and babies was a handful but this little fellow was already making his presence known. So fast forward to November 14th……cause I did say I would keep it short and sweet.

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We go in to the hospital to have our first son. Everything seems to be going as planned and we are both extra ready to get this little dude out. Ready to be back at home with all his sisters and his pug and Russell Brand. Conrad Abraham Osborn came into this world with little fan fair and zero struggle. We were stoked. Tears were shed and well proud parents said things like “I love you.”, “He is perfect.”, and “Lets take a nap.”. Now in a blink of an eye things changed. Our doctor started to seem mildly concerned with her bleeding, words like hysterectomy were being throw around with other words like surgery. But things were still moving in slow motion. No one seemed overly concerned until my wife basically began to look like a ghost. She was pale and shivering and didn’t look well. And just as they handed my son back to me they realized my wife was in bad shape. Then boom, bang, blitz we became an episode of ER. Nurses are grabbing Doctors, people are yelling for blood, and this and that and “we need to hurry” and “just leave it” and “meet us in the operating room”.

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Less then 15 minutes after his birth I was alone in a room with my only son. Blood, needles, wires, and us left in the room. My wife is gone. Pushed out of the room in a whirlwind of nurses and doctors. Alone just the two of us. Really just strangers that had never met. There I was holding the little fellow she was so excited to see and wondering if that was going to be their first and last meeting. It might have been 30 minutes or 15 or 5 before some of the nurses returned to breath some life back into me. My wife was in surgery, they needed to get him to the nursery, I needed to head down to the waiting room, and I needed to freak out! But I was told over and over that all was well.

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Four hours later I saw my wife again in the ICU. She had lost a lot of blood and her uterus. We cried. I cried a lot. When you have five kids at home and a very little guy that hasn’t even made it home yet you’re not ready to lose your wife. We cried some more. I was relieved, she was relieved, everyone made it out alive. Now let me tell you the kind of thing that can age a man quickly……the near death experience of his young wife.

I like to discuss skateboards, mustaches, tattoos, movies, funny things, pugs, action, laughter, kids, twins, gun control, your mom, skateboarding, and other junk that means nothing when you almost lose your wife the same day you gain a son. I took some time off to well I guess grow up some. To love my wife more…which I am still working on. To forget for a moment my petty and lame, bitter and sweet ego. I am creeping towards my 6th annual 29th birthday bash and for the first time I am feeling my age. But not just in my body, not just the grey hairs on my head, but in my soul. Or it could just be my back from carrying these twins all around town.

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I have taken some time to be with my family. To be a father and a husband first. To make sure that I give and get all I can from this amazing family that I share my life with.

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My wife has said that it is time I be me again. The “charismatic douche” that I once was. To have fun again with who I am. To express myself and do some kickflips. So I hope that this little rant helps get everyone back on the same page. Now lets have some fun…………

ME

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